Follow Along Ceremony: Choosing the Readings

Follow Along Ceremony.
Part 1: Meet Sarah & John!
Part 2: First Meeting, First Outline
Part 3: Creating Rituals

Sarah and John had a lot of interesting ways to incorporate their family and friends into their wedding ceremony, but this had to be my favorite: their readers.

The Lovely Couple enjoys hearing the first reading for the first time!

They asked six of their friends (three couples) to each choose a reading to present during the wedding ceremony.  I thought it was great that they were going to let their friends choose the readings, so they could pick something that they thought was very representative and appropriate for Sarah and John.  But here’s the big thing: they asked me to keep the readings a secret from that!

That’s right – the readers “reported” directly into me.  I placed the readings into the ceremony, based on their content, and had full veto power if something wasn’t quite right or a duplicate.  But the bride and groom had no idea what was going to be read at their wedding!

I sent the readers an email, with some of my favorite wedding reading resources, a deadline, and encouraged them to use me as a resource as well – to ask me any questions, have me offer suggestions, or simply point them in the right direction.  But all six friends did a fabulous job and picked perfect readings for the wedding!

The first reading was a selection of notes that Charles Darwin had written down in his sketchbook – the pros and cons of getting married.  It was a piece I had never seen before, and I love it!

Notes on Marriage
Made When Deciding Whether or Not to Marry

Charles Darwin

Not Marry?

Freedom to go where one liked
Choice of society and little of it.
Conversation of clever men at clubs.

Not forced to visit relatives, and to bend to every trifle…
To have the expense and anxiety of children – perhaps quarreling.
Loss of time – cannot read in the evenings.
Fatness and idleness.
Anxiety and responsibility.
Less money for books.
If many children, forced to gain one’s bread (but then it is very bad for one’s health to work too much).

Perhaps my wife won’t like London, then the sentence is banishment and degradation with indolent, idle fool.

Marry?
Children (if it please God)

Constant companion, who will feel interested in one (a friend in old age)

Object to be beloved and played with – better than a dog anyhow
Home, and someone to take care of house

Charms of music and female chit chat – these things good for ones health but terrible loss of time

My God, it is unthinkable to think of spending one’s whole life, like a neuter bee, working, working, and nothing after all.
No, no, won’t do.

Imagine living all one’s days solitary in smoky dirty London House.
Only picture to yourself a nice soft wife on a sofa with good fire, and books, and music perhaps – compare this vision with dingy reality.
Marry! Marry! Marry!

The second readers chose a selection from the Velveteen Rabbit, a dialogue between the Rabbit and the Skin Horse, discussing how love makes you real.  They each had a role, one reading the Rabbit’s lines and one the Skin Horses.  It was especially fun because there’s a line about how when you’re finally real, most of your hair has been loved off – appropriate for a bald groom!

The third reading were two love poems – a perfect way to close a ceremony.  They chose my favorite poem of all time, which I can’t even read without tearing up a bit:

Sonnet XVII from 100 Love Sonnets by Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

By letting their readers choose, Sarah and John’s friends felt even more included in the ceremony, as they got to share these pieces that especially touched them and spoke to them about the bride and groom.  It was a fabulous idea that really spoke to the bride and groom’s fun loving ways, and I’m so glad that it worked out in the end!

Love Sonnet Dan X Reply to all Forward Reply by chat Filter messages like this Print Add to Contacts list Delete this message Report phishing Report not phishing Show original Show in fixed width font Show in variable width font Message text garbled? Why is this spam/nonspam? Reply | Jessie Blum to Dan show details 1/22/08 Reply Sonnet XVII from 100 Love Sonnets by Pablo Neruda I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close. — Jessie Blum jessieblum@gmail.com http://knit.jessieblum.com Reply Forward Dan is not available to chat Reply | Daniel Gabriel to me show details 1/22/08 Reply that’s beautiful – Show quoted text – On Jan 22, 2008 11:25 AM, Jessie Blum <jessieblum@gmail.com> wrote: Sonnet XVII from 100 Love Sonnets by Pablo Neruda I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close. — Jessie Blum jessieblum@gmail.com http://knit.jessieblum.com Reply Forward Dan is not available to chat

 

Etsy Friday: Fall Inspiration!

As soon as September comes around, I start looking towards the trees, waiting for them to explode with color, and become bright and red and orange and yellow.  Fall is my favorite season – I love the slight chill in the air, the wonderful smells, PUMPKINS, apples, and that slightly soft and smoky scent you can catch in the air.

Now, take a wedding, and put it in the fall?  Totally my favorite!

So this week’s Esty Friday is inspired by my favorite season – August can’t end soon enough!  Autumn, I’m waiting for you!

[White Pumpkin Basket via April Hiler Designs]

I LOVE these little white pumpkin baskets, perfect for the flower girl to scatter petals out of, or even to have your bridesmaids carry with a small floral arrangement inside.  Beautiful!

[Garden Headpiece via Anca Pe’elma]

I love the whimsy of this delicate headpiece, the small pearls and soft creams and browns.  It would be beautiful with a champagne or ivory dress!

[Fall Wedding Cake Top via Original Creations by Apryl]

I love this cake topper – it looks like it came straight out of a peak October!  I think it would be beautiful on top of a cake, or as decoration on a guest book table or even as a centerpiece.

[Autumn Cake Knife Server via One Haute Hostess]

The colors are just awesome!  I love the wire wrapping, and the texture of the rocks against the silver of the cake cutter.  How cute would this be to cut a cake with that tree cake topper? Don’t they look like they belong together?

[Willow – Natural Harvest Comb via Which.Goose]

I love the natural and subtle feel of this hair comb.  It really captures the feeling of autumn, and would be beautiful as a fascinator with an ivory veil!

[Ring Bearer Pillow via I Do Take U!]

The bright colors, simple felt cut outs, and adorable little acorn would be fabulous carried down the aisle by your ring bearer!

[Personal Stickers by Sticker Doodle]

How much fun and personality does this little tree have!  These would be great to seal envelopes, or to mark favors.

[Enchanting Autumn Bout via Blue Flourish]

I love the combo of dried flowers, feathers, and silk eucalyptus leaves.  The purple is an unexpected but beautiful color choice!

What’s your favorite season?  Is your wedding drawing inspiration from it?

 

Wedding: Jessica & Steve

Jessica and Steve got married in the beautiful Kirkpatrick Chapel, on the grounds of Rutgers, in New Brunswick, NJ.  They wanted a secular interpretation of a traditional Christian ceremony, so I worked with them to personalize a few elements and really make the ceremony feel like them (like a few mentions of their cats and the story of their engagement).

They used one of my suggested vows, which I just love, and did them “repeat after me style,” where I broke them into chunks, and they repeated them – no memorization, and no little piece of paper to hold – they could just look at each other.

I, Steve, take you, Jessica, to be my wife, my friend, my love, and my lifelong companion.  I promise to treat you with respect, love, and loyalty, through all the trials and tribulations of our lives together.  This commitment is made in love, kept in faith, lived in hope, and eternally made new.

They also had a reading, a version of 1st Corinithians 13 that I particularly liked:

Love is patient and love is kind.  It is not jealous or conceited or proud.  Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable.  Love does not keep a record of wrongs.  Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth.  Love never gives up – and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.  Love is eternal.

Meanwhile, the three remain: faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.

We also included a brief ring blessing, as well as a final blessing, during the closing remarks.

I loved that Jessica had her bridesmaids choose any blue dress to wear, and I think the results were beautiful!  The chapel is across the street from the train station, and Jessica was hoping a train would come by and toot their horn during the ceremony!  Alas, it was the only disappointment she had that day, as no train came by during the ceremony, so it was completely silent (which any other bride would have thought was fabulous)!

Jess and Steve, many thanks for sharing your wedding with me.  And congratulations again!

(All pictures courtesy of Donald Yeager)

 

Our Engagement Photos!

Blogging is going to be light through the end of August, but there are big changes going on over here at Eclectic Unions, and one of them is kicking my blogging into gear in September!  So please don’t mind the next few weeks light posting!

My wedding is slowly approaching (October 2010!), and while Dan and I were vacationing at the Jersey Shore last weekend, the awesome Sarah Schulte came down to take our engagement photos!  As I’ve mentioned, I contacted Sarah to discuss my wedding photography earlier this year… and then she asked me to officiate at her wedding, this past July!

She just posted some teaser photos on her blog, and I love them.  Who knew Dan and I were so cute?

(Blumbriel is our made up last name combo – Blum + Gabriel)

 

Wedding Celebration: Dyana & Vinnie!

This is Dyana & Vinnie last year, on August 8.

And here are Dyana & Vinnie, this year, on August 8!

I was lucky enough to perform the wedding of Dyana and Vinnie last August, literally on the sidewalks of Hoboken, at sunset.  It was an amazing, sweet, and intimate wedding, with only a few family and friends there to witness it.  We did a sand ceremony, with their son, a little more than a month old at the time of the wedding, symbolically pouring the final layer to show that he had completed their family.

And this year, a year to the day of their wedding, we gathered together again, this time with more family and friends, and celebrating Dyana & Vinnie’s commitment and marriage on the beach!

They brought the vessel of sand from their wedding last year, and we poured new layers, to symbolize their first year of marriage.  Their son, now a little more than a year old, symbolically poured the final layer, this time a mixture of white sand and sand from the beach!

At the end of the ceremony, EVERYONE gathered retreated to the ocean, to throw a stone into the water, and make a wish for Dyana & Vinnie’s marriage and life together.  It was oddly easy to wrangle 140 people down to the water, and it was a beautiful moment!

See me running in front to make sure everyone had stones?

Since Dyana and Vinnie did not exchange rings in this ceremony, I read “The Blessings of the Hands,” which we had read last year and combined with the ring vows.  It provided a nice ritual to use the bride and groom’s hands since they were not exchanging rings, and was nice to include as an echo of the year before’s ceremony.

Dyana and Vinnie, it was awesome to be a part of your wedding AGAIN!

 

Quick Wedding: Rachel & Stephen

On their first date, Rachel and Stephen went on a short hike, in Jockey Hollow State Park in Morristown.  So it was only appropriate that they would take the walk together again, this time with a couple of friends and a Celebrant in tow, to make their wedding vows on a beautiful green overlook on a humid August day.

It was a very simple wedding ceremony, with just two witnesses, the friends who had introduced them.  What stuck out for me most of all was their choice of ring vows:

I give to you my love, my friendship, my life. This ring is a symbol of our eternal love for one another.  I promise you that from this day forward you shall not walk alone.

As they had literally just walked the path to this moment together, it was incredibly appropriate and beautiful to include.

So, barefoot in the woods, Rachel and Stephen made promises to each other, and share their first kiss as husband and wife (along with their dog, Bandit, who had also made an appearance on their first date!).

Congratulations, Rachel & Stephen!  Thank you for letting me share this amazing moment in your lives with you.  I know you will continue to walk your path, together.

 

Creating a Love Story: Thinking Outside the Box for Wedding Addresses

If you are writing your own ceremony, don’t be afraid to think outside of the box when it comes to your Marriage Address, that moment where your officiant talks about marriage and love and places it in context of your relationship.

In my wedding ceremonies, I include a Love Story – the story of the couple!  It’s based on their past and experience – how they met, how they fell in love, and how they decided that this was it – that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.  It’s always sweet, always funny, and I try to elicit both laughter and a few tears with each of them, because that’s how I think a relationship should be – full of emotion.

The Love Story is in place of the sermon, homily, or officiant’s address in a more traditional ceremony – so instead of making generalities about marriage and love, and offering advice on how to create a good marriage – I use my couple’s own words to explain WHY they are a good match, why they love each other, and why they have made the choice to stand before their family and friends today, to declare their love and devotion to each other. I think it’s a great thing to include because no one will EVER have it in their ceremony other than YOU – it really makes your ceremony all about YOU and your partner, and truly makes it unlike any other wedding ceremony that will ever exist!

But how do I write this, if I don’t know the couples?

I give them homework!

Well, I usually also meet my couples in person, or have some phone conversations with them, too, to get a good sense of the kind of ceremony and Love Story they are looking for.  Some people want to get a certain feeling across, or not have as much humor – and I can tell from speaking and meeting people a bit about this.  But the homework is really where I get most of my details and information about the Love Story from.

If you’re having a friend or family member officiate, they probably know your stories already – but it may help to sit down and re-tell them, so they can get a fresh perspective.  As a good example – I officiated at my best friend’s wedding.  I had lived with her for five years, and her fiance for two, and had known them for their entire relatiosnhip – so I knew a lot of their stories!  But I still asked them for their own perspective about their stories, so I could get a fresh take on it, while still adding my own take on it.

I usually choose two or three “mini” stories to use in the overall Love Story – you or your officiant can decide how many you’d like to include.  This “mini” stories form the arch of the Love Story, and usually flow from one to the other well – these include:

• The first meeting
• The first date
• First kiss
• First “I Love You”
• Moment they knew they were in love
• The Proposal

Based on the info that I get, I pick and choose to find the moments that really stick out to me – the ones that are appropriate to share and really show how their relationship has evolved and grown through the time they’ve known each other.

After telling their story, I always end my Love Stories by sharing what the couple love and admires about each other, and often include their hopes for the future.

So – in addition to getting the typical stories (How’d you meet?  How did you feel about one another at the time?, etc), I always ask these:

• What do you love about your partner?
• What actions of his/her say “I love you”?
• What do you admire about your partner?
• What have they taught you?

These questions are a little more in depth, and can really help your officiant explore your relationship and make your Love Story really memorable, sweet, and touching.

The greatest compliment I ever got for one of my ceremonies came from the mother of the bride – she told me that “it was like you had known them forever.”  I really try to capture the relationship in my Love Story, and I think it’s a wonderful keepsake to have down the line as well.

Still want to know more?  Here’s a copy of the Love Story I wrote for my best friend when she was married last summer (shared with her permission!).  Text always looks longer on paper than when it is read out loud – this took about five or six minutes to read in their ceremony.

When Lindsey and Ben first struck up a conversation outside of the theatre in college, they each had distinct first impressions of each other. Ben thought he was talking to me. Lindsey thought Ben was gay.

Lindsey was stage managing the auditions that Ben, a freshman, had decided to try out for. Lindsey was a friendly sophomore, and began chatting with Ben before the auditions. They argued about bagels – Ben insisted that Montreal had the best bagels. Lindsey said, “That’s ridiculous! We’re right near New York. They have the best bagels.”

During the bagel conversation, Ben realized that Lindsey was not me.  His first thought was “I hope she casts me!” But after a few minutes, Ben thought, “Hey, she’s really fun… and cute… but way out of my league.”

Ben was cast in not one, but two of the five shows that were being auditioned that night. It was an unusual situation, and the directors needed to check with Ben to see if he would agree to it. As soon as contacting Ben was mentioned, Lindsey leapt to her feet and said, “I’ll call him!” before zipping out the door to the closest phone. There was definitely a connection between them that had been sparked, though neither had realized it yet.

When the rehearsals began, Lindsey and Ben got to spend a lot of time together. Outside of the theatre, they began taking walks in the woods behind Ben’s dorm. Neither knows quite when the transition from friends to something more happened. Because they were working together on the show, they decided to keep the beginning of their relationship a secret. And they did – they “came out” as a couple at the end of October, a few days after the show closed.

Though neither Lindsey nor Ben remember exactly when they fell in love, they both had distinct moments when they knew they would be together for a long time. The Christmas after they met, Lindsey told her mother that she could marry Ben: “I didn’t see myself with anyone else – I just knew that Ben was a true partner that I could live my life with,” she said. Her mom told her that when she met her dad, she had that same feeling – she knew they would be together forever.

Ben recalls a night early in their relationship when he discovered a stack of books hidden under Lindsey’s pillow in her dorm room – books on Judaism and Jewish traditions.  He thought that this was an odd thing for Lindsey, who was Lutheran, to have in her bed.  This moment is what got Ben thinking – “Hey, maybe she’s the one.”  That feeling was driven home while he watched Lindsey walk across the stage at her college graduation, several years later.  At that moment, Ben knew that this was the person he was going to spend his life with.

On a rainy day in June of 2006, Ben took Lindsey up to Scituate, Massachusetts, where he had grown up. The clouds began to clear up as they drove to the Scituate lighthouse, and they walked out to the beach, over the rocks. They sat their together, talking and looking out at the ocean. It started to drizzle again, so Lindsey got up to leave. Ben stood up as well, and turned to her. “There are three main reason that I wanted to take you out here,” he began. “One, I have always thought of this as my special place. I used to come out here when I was a kid and thought I was the only one who knew about it. I’ve never wanted to share this spot with anyone, until now.

“Two, this light house is called Lover’s Lighthouse. Each lighthouse has a code to help ships identify their location, and this one blinks out “I Love You.”

“Three, this is the site of one of the most important events in my life.”

At that, Ben got down on one knee, and took out a ring. “Will you marry me?” he asked.

Lindsey was surprised, and opened her mouth to answer him – but before she could, Ben began to slip on the wet jetty! “Hurry up and say yes before I slip!” he said.

Lindsey answered, “Of course I’ll marry you!”

Ben says that he loves Lindsey because she can debate and tickle equally well.  He admires her dedication and commitment to what she believes in, and says that Lindsey is one of the smartest people he knows.  But the connection that they feel is how he truly knows he loves her – “I feel closest to Lindsey when we share a deep look and don’t have to say anything,” he says.  “Just a deep look filled with love and so many emotions.”

Lindsey loves how passionate Ben is about doing good in the world.  She loves his silliness, and his ability to bring huge issues down to a personal level.  She loves how he calms her and his constant, if annoying, ability to actually know what she’s thinking and call her on it. But the thing that she loves the most about him?  “Oh!” she exclaims, “I love his nose!”  To Lindsey, nothing says “I love you” more than when Ben hangs up his towel in the bathroom and when he makes her a bagel.

As you can see, bagels are an important and central theme in Ben and Lindsey’s love story.

Lindsey and Ben, we are overjoyed to share in this celebration with you today. It brings us immense happiness to be here as witnesses to the next chapter in your love story.

 

Tips for Officiants!

For all of the brides and grooms who are having a friend officiate their wedding – here are some tips and ideas, from a professional wedding celebrant, to make sure that your day runs smoothly.  Feel free to print this out, and hand it to your officiant, and it may help to look it over yourself as well!

• Be prepared! Read through the ceremony a few times, and feel free to make notes on your version of the script.  Make sure all of the props are set up, and that you have copies of the vows and the readings.
  

• Format it! Format the script in a way that is easy for you to read – perhaps color coding or highlighting important elements or directions.  Make sure to take page turns into consideration, and format it so it is easiest for you to read, in an easy to read, large font.
  

• Plan where you are going to stand! For my ceremonies, I prefer the couples to face each other, or slightly face out – not facing the officiant (I am sure the bride’s dress is beautiful in the back, but everyone wants to see their faces!).  Find the best place for you to stand – perhaps in between them, or maybe slightly to the side, with the couple in the middle.
  

• Get amped! Using a microphone and amplification is a must – you want everyone to be able to hear you, the readers, and the bride & groom during their vows.  The DJ, venue, or ceremony musicians can often provide a wireless mic to use.  Pass it to the readers and the couple for the readings and the vows.

• Keep the love! When readers or other participants come up – feel free to have a moment, and give the bride and groom some love (a big hug!) afterwards.
  

• Bring tissues!
  

• Communicate! If you have any questions, ask the bride and groom – keeping communication lines open can really make everything much easier!
  

• Make sure it’s legal! Check with your county / state to make sure you can legally officiate at weddings.  Fill out the wedding license completely and fully, and be sure to get it mailed in and filed in the proper amount of time after the wedding.
  

• Protect it! I use a black, leatherette 8.5 x 11 three ring binder for my ceremonies – I slip the script into matte page protectors.  A thin black three ring binder is a great, easy, and cheap solution for holding the ceremony script as well.
  

• Have fun! Don’t be afraid to laugh or be emotional – that’s what weddings are all about!  Prompt the bride, groom, or bridal party quietly if they need to be doing something (rings, readings, vows, etc).  Take deep breathes, and stay calm!  Whatever happens, it’ll be a wonderful and beautiful day.
  

  
  

 

Friday Inspiration: BEST WEDDING PROCESSIONAL EVER

No, seriously.  You have to watch this!  Even my fiance loved it!

(And I TOTALLY cried at the end, when she danced down and he met her half way…)

 

Sarah & John: Sneak Peek!

So much more details (including how I wrote their Love Story, and their surprise readings!) will be coming up about Sarah & John’s wedding, but for now – take a look at this wonderful highlights reel that Kenneth Stillman put together to share at the wedding brunch the next day! Ceremony wise, you get to hear some of Sarah and John’s beautifully written vows, a shot of their tree sapling planting ceremony, and a few of their readers! Her photographer was the awesome Cindy Patrick, and I can’t wait to see the pictures and tell you ALL about their ceremony!

The Wedding of Sarah Schulte & John Gilleeny at The Chesterwood Museum By Kenneth Stillman
View in HD Download 360p Version Visit Kenneth Stillman’s ExposureRoom Videos Page